Archive for October, 2012

Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted

2012

There may or may not be spoilers. Read at your own risk!

I went in to Madagascar 3 expecting it to be as entertaining as the previous two Madagascar movies. Boy was I wrong.

This had to be one of the most boring kids movies I have ever watched. What the hell was DreamWorks thinking?!

The plot, for the most part, was far too serious for children and the Russian tiger was just a bit too mean and scarey. There was a slutty leopard or cheetah (whatever) that should have been toned down a bit, or maybe all female Russian animals are trampy.

In trying to lighten things up a bit they tossed in a dimwitted seal lion from what sounded like Italy. Ya, he wasn’t funny either, just dumb.

Halfway through the movie the Russian tiger is still a complete grumpy jerk who needs a big bottle of vodka to loosen that stick outta his bum, and I have yet to laugh more than once (we’ll come to that). This movie is the biggest stinker.

Oh… lest I forget the fat bottomed animal catcher woman that MUST get her lion. She will stop at nothing and I mean nothing. This goes beyond cartoon far fetched. At one point I wanted to smack her with a frying pan she was so annoying.

I truly hope this is the last Madagascar movie they make, as some things just need to die.

I wouldn’t recommend this movie unless you have 93 minutes of your life you no longer have a use for.
DreamWorks, you have F.A.I.L.E.D… ya, you heard me.

Now, for the part I laughed at… see below, the ONLY funny part of the movie…

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The Five-Year Engagement

(2012)

Starring: Jason Segel, Emily Blunt and Chris Pratt

The Five-Year Engagement… I don’t know what I was thinking when I started watching this movie. I can’t stand Jason Segel, he’s just not funny. At all. And spending approximately 124 min watching him whine was torture. I wanted to reach into the TV and punch him in the back of the head.

I suppose this movie would have been more fun if they would have chose a different leading man, say… ANYBODY ELSE. There’s a great storyline and the other actors are wonderful. There weren’t even any face palm worthy lines. That’s a major bonus.

Anyway, if you can get past Mr. Segel and his unfunniness then you’ve got a decent movie. For me, it was a toughy.

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Mirror Mirror

(2012)MirrorMirror

Starring: Lily Collins, Julia Roberts and Armie Hammer

Mirror Mirror was absolutely ridiculous! I sat through the whole movie just shaking my head wondering why I was still watching it.

I have to give props to Julia portraying the evil Queen, she did so in a spectacular fashion. Her facial expressions were top notch.

Everything else… just plain crap.

I’m giving this movie three steaming piles of doggie poo.