Archive for the ‘Adventure’ Category

Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted

2012

There may or may not be spoilers. Read at your own risk!

I went in to Madagascar 3 expecting it to be as entertaining as the previous two Madagascar movies. Boy was I wrong.

This had to be one of the most boring kids movies I have ever watched. What the hell was DreamWorks thinking?!

The plot, for the most part, was far too serious for children and the Russian tiger was just a bit too mean and scarey. There was a slutty leopard or cheetah (whatever) that should have been toned down a bit, or maybe all female Russian animals are trampy.

In trying to lighten things up a bit they tossed in a dimwitted seal lion from what sounded like Italy. Ya, he wasn’t funny either, just dumb.

Halfway through the movie the Russian tiger is still a complete grumpy jerk who needs a big bottle of vodka to loosen that stick outta his bum, and I have yet to laugh more than once (we’ll come to that). This movie is the biggest stinker.

Oh… lest I forget the fat bottomed animal catcher woman that MUST get her lion. She will stop at nothing and I mean nothing. This goes beyond cartoon far fetched. At one point I wanted to smack her with a frying pan she was so annoying.

I truly hope this is the last Madagascar movie they make, as some things just need to die.

I wouldn’t recommend this movie unless you have 93 minutes of your life you no longer have a use for.
DreamWorks, you have F.A.I.L.E.D… ya, you heard me.

Now, for the part I laughed at… see below, the ONLY funny part of the movie…

Mirror Mirror

(2012)MirrorMirror

Starring: Lily Collins, Julia Roberts and Armie Hammer

Mirror Mirror was absolutely ridiculous! I sat through the whole movie just shaking my head wondering why I was still watching it.

I have to give props to Julia portraying the evil Queen, she did so in a spectacular fashion. Her facial expressions were top notch.

Everything else… just plain crap.

I’m giving this movie three steaming piles of doggie poo.

Cars 2

2011Cars 2

Starring (the voices of): Owen Wilson, Larry the Cable Guy and Michael Caine

I was a little disappointed in Cars 2. With five years in between pictures you would think Pixar would have done a better job making Cars 2 a little more entertaining.

In several places I found my attention waning. If it wasn’t for Mater and his silly antics I would have definitely fallen asleep.

I can’t say that I would recommend this movie, it’s just a flop. Well, maybe if you are looking for something to watch while trying to nap.

Pixar… If you plan a Cars 3 (let’s hope not), please review the first Cars film and do a little more of that and a lot less of Cars 2.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

2011On Stranger Tides

Starring: Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Ian McShane

I wasn’t at all impressed with this Pirates movie. There wasn’t as much action or adventure or anything really as the last three movies.

The action was somewhat lame. The kings men just shooting at Sparrow and trying to capture him. Pffft! The only real adventure was the lot of them tromping through the jungle in search of… see now I forget. That is how boring it was.

Seems like are they’re starting to beat that dead horse. And Penelope Cruz, what was that all about? GADS! Talk about annoying. The movie is limping along as it is and then *BAM* there she is to sink the ship, so to speak.

For shame, the lot of you that signed on to do this film. Perhaps you should have signed on for a little more creativity too.

And for the love of all that’s gonna keep me from going postal, if there is a Pirates 5… Please, please, please let’s make it interesting, adventurous and action packed!

I’ll be handing this one (and Rob Marshall) and great big steaming pile of poo.

Thor

2011Thor

Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Anthony Hopkins, Natalie Portman

Thor (Hemsworth), the most powerful of Odin’s (Hopkins) two sons, is stripped of his powers and cast out of Asgard because of his foolish arrogance and sent to Earth to live with the humans.

Scientist Jane Foster (Portman) collides with  Thor while driving her motor home/mobile lab as he falls out of dust cloud.

“The Man” caught wind of Thor’s hammer creating a crater on someone’s property. Of course being “the man” they took over at once.

This is where Thor, still being his arrogant self, causes just a wee bit of havoc for everyone around while trying to find his hammer.

Seems Thor has some lessons to learn and Jane is the one to teach him.

Thor is a great movie. All the characters were fantastic and I have got to get me one of those hammers!

OH! I love how Thor puts the smack-down on that tin man. Yeehaw!

FYI… I can’t remember if it’s this movie or another but after the credits if you keep watching there’s a trailer for another movie.. MUST SEE!

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Transformers: Dark of the Moon

written in collaboration with The Saint

2011Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and Tyrese Gibson

Transformers: Dark of the Moon was fantastic!

I’d been waiting like a kid at Christmas for the DVD to come out and just about wet myself when it showed up in my mailbox. I could hardly wait for it to get dark so I could shut off the lights and turn the TV up really loud and watch. Popcorn anyone?

As with Transformers 1 & 2 there was tons of action–big explosive action! Then there’s the scene’s that make you hold your breath until they’re over… I hate those.  If you really need me to prime (pun: intended) you for this movie, shame on you.  Watch the first two movies and get back to me.

Shia LaBeouf is back as Sam, friend of the Autobots, with his new girlfriend, Carly (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley).  From what I can gather, Carly works for Dylan (Patrick Dempsey) and most of what she does is walk around, looking perfect.  She really is just background scenery.   Meanwhile, the good Autobots and evil Decepticons race each other to the moon to claim an ancient ship, originally from their home planet, Cybertron.  Apparently, the US Government has kept this ship under wraps for decades.  The Autobots discover the previous leader of the Transformers, named Sentinel Prime, who created the technology to transport matter between worlds.

Once Sentinel is reactivated, all hell breaks loose.

Needless to say, the rest of the movie is relentless action.  NON.  STOP.  The CGI is so incredible that you are just staring at the screen in awe, mouth wide open.  There are casualties of  war, betrayers, heroes and drama–plot devices usually implemented in more “mature” films (without robots).  I didn’t have to invest in the plot of military secrecy or the fate of the planet.  The frenzied energy of the movie is a blast and now I, sooooo, wish I caught this in 3D on the big screen.  Everyone has seen the Bumble Bee trailer but you have to understand the scene within the context of the film to truly appreciate it.  I was cheering all the way to the credits.  Just go see it.

Two paws WAY up!
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Your Highness

2011Your Highness

Starring: Danny McBride, Natalie Portman and James Franco

A friend warned me about this movie Your Highness. He said there are things in this movie I would never unsee, they would be seared into my brain forever ever… or close to it. He was right.

The ONLY reason I half-heartedly watched this Your Highness is because someone else picked it. I passed on the warning I was given, but still they wanted to watch it. And now, they cannot unsee what should not have been seen.

All you could hear out of me during the movie was “What the…” “OMG!” “EWW” “Are You Kidding Me?!” “My eyes! My eyes!” “Natalie Portman is in this?! Did she need the money?”

And that is how horrible Your Highness is. I have seen some vulgar and offensive movies bordering on porn before but this one… this one should be burned and have someone say the last rites over it.

I could have sworn James Franco (Fabious) could act. In this movie, he can’t act his way out of a soaking wet paper sack with holes in it. Danny McBride (Thadeous), is he always an idiot or does he just play one on the big screen? And Natalie, little Natalie… WTF were you thinking? Do you owe millions to someone? Were you blackmailed into doing this film? There has  got to be some reason for lowering your standards!

There was nothing minutely funny about Your Highness. Yes, it was an Adventure… an adventure down vulgar road. And there was Fantasy but I think it was only with the film makers thinking this movie could make them big bucks.

I am giving Your Highness two HUGE steaming piles of crap.

P.S. The next time someone tells me something will be seared into my brain forever, I’m going to believe them!