Archive for the ‘Comedy’ Category

Rock of Ages

2012

Starring: Julianne Hough, Diego Boneta and Tom Cruise

When trailers started popping up for this flick I was pretty excited. It looked to be a darned good movie. I mean, look at the cast and the music… How could you go wrong?!

SWEET MOTHER OF GOD did they go wrong!! and in so many ways. It was like a musical train wreck that you just couldn’t stop. A TWO HOUR auto-tuned nightmare. I just kept staring at the screen, eyes locked if not in disbelief then in pure horror of what was unfolding before me. You could have cut off a toe and I probably wouldn’t have noticed.

Their first wrong doing was when the girl Sherrie (Hough) gets off the bus and starts singing “Just like living in paradise” when she should be singing “Welcome to the Jungle”. The scene isn’t paradise at all it’s the complete opposite. Come on people! {face palm}

I must admit, I did giggle once. It was when Drew (Boneta) got up on stage for the first time and sang. After he finished they panned over to Lonny (Brand) and he and another guy had their lighters aflame. A salute to rock ‘n roll.

OH OH OH! Let me not forget get the “I think I’m Gods gift” pseudo star of the flick, Tom Cruise as Stacee Jaxx. Good grief! Because his ego wasn’t big enough, they made him a friggin’ rock star! And of course he’s got the slutty sluts hanging all over and such… HURL!

Who approves this shit?! Apparently these 80s bands needed some hard cash to let this happen to their classic tunes. Such a sad day in music history.

I won’t be recommending this movie… even to a coma patient.

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Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted

2012

There may or may not be spoilers. Read at your own risk!

I went in to Madagascar 3 expecting it to be as entertaining as the previous two Madagascar movies. Boy was I wrong.

This had to be one of the most boring kids movies I have ever watched. What the hell was DreamWorks thinking?!

The plot, for the most part, was far too serious for children and the Russian tiger was just a bit too mean and scarey. There was a slutty leopard or cheetah (whatever) that should have been toned down a bit, or maybe all female Russian animals are trampy.

In trying to lighten things up a bit they tossed in a dimwitted seal lion from what sounded like Italy. Ya, he wasn’t funny either, just dumb.

Halfway through the movie the Russian tiger is still a complete grumpy jerk who needs a big bottle of vodka to loosen that stick outta his bum, and I have yet to laugh more than once (we’ll come to that). This movie is the biggest stinker.

Oh… lest I forget the fat bottomed animal catcher woman that MUST get her lion. She will stop at nothing and I mean nothing. This goes beyond cartoon far fetched. At one point I wanted to smack her with a frying pan she was so annoying.

I truly hope this is the last Madagascar movie they make, as some things just need to die.

I wouldn’t recommend this movie unless you have 93 minutes of your life you no longer have a use for.
DreamWorks, you have F.A.I.L.E.D… ya, you heard me.

Now, for the part I laughed at… see below, the ONLY funny part of the movie…

The Five-Year Engagement

(2012)

Starring: Jason Segel, Emily Blunt and Chris Pratt

The Five-Year Engagement… I don’t know what I was thinking when I started watching this movie. I can’t stand Jason Segel, he’s just not funny. At all. And spending approximately 124 min watching him whine was torture. I wanted to reach into the TV and punch him in the back of the head.

I suppose this movie would have been more fun if they would have chose a different leading man, say… ANYBODY ELSE. There’s a great storyline and the other actors are wonderful. There weren’t even any face palm worthy lines. That’s a major bonus.

Anyway, if you can get past Mr. Segel and his unfunniness then you’ve got a decent movie. For me, it was a toughy.

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