Rock of Ages

2012

Starring: Julianne Hough, Diego Boneta and Tom Cruise

When trailers started popping up for this flick I was pretty excited. It looked to be a darned good movie. I mean, look at the cast and the music… How could you go wrong?!

SWEET MOTHER OF GOD did they go wrong!! and in so many ways. It was like a musical train wreck that you just couldn’t stop. A TWO HOUR auto-tuned nightmare. I just kept staring at the screen, eyes locked if not in disbelief then in pure horror of what was unfolding before me. You could have cut off a toe and I probably wouldn’t have noticed.

Their first wrong doing was when the girl Sherrie (Hough) gets off the bus and starts singing “Just like living in paradise” when she should be singing “Welcome to the Jungle”. The scene isn’t paradise at all it’s the complete opposite. Come on people! {face palm}

I must admit, I did giggle once. It was when Drew (Boneta) got up on stage for the first time and sang. After he finished they panned over to Lonny (Brand) and he and another guy had their lighters aflame. A salute to rock ‘n roll.

OH OH OH! Let me not forget get the “I think I’m Gods gift” pseudo star of the flick, Tom Cruise as Stacee Jaxx. Good grief! Because his ego wasn’t big enough, they made him a friggin’ rock star! And of course he’s got the slutty sluts hanging all over and such… HURL!

Who approves this shit?! Apparently these 80s bands needed some hard cash to let this happen to their classic tunes. Such a sad day in music history.

I won’t be recommending this movie… even to a coma patient.

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